the fragility of ones own life plan, odd hypocrisy

So for the past few months I was under the impression that I had it all figured out!

After spending a few very instable weeks initially upon moving to Ottawa, I thought I had finally settled on a "plan" that seemed to suit my longer-term life goals.

My "plan" was to work, and also study french, this year. It was quite simple really. By working I would earn money and work experience, and by studying French I would improve upon an essential language for Canadian or international work.

In the meantime I applied to Masters Degree programs in International Relations, Conflict Resolution and Governance, Global Politics etc.

The idea was that once I got accepted to a program I would defer it, and do a Cida internship the following fall (or continue to work if I got a good job), to improve my work and international experience before completing my Masters.

My certainty of this plan was fairly solid. It lasted for a good 3 months!

And suddenly, this weekend it disappeared!

This weekend I went back to Montreal for a Regimental Christmas Ball and Sports day. I was team captain of the officers team (we competed with the Sgt's team) and 5 other teams made up of the NCMs. It felt great! I re-lived my highschool varsity athletic heroics and came through with some clutch plays in volleyball and hockey to lead the Officers team to their first undefeated run through sports day in the history of the regiment (supposedly).

Most memorable was the hockey game against the Sgt's team which was a physical, violent war of a match. I played for 20 minutes straight without getting off and had 1 goal and 1 assist in a 3-2 win. Then, in the sudden death volleyball game against the only other undefeated team I scored the final five points in a row with my topspin serve which the other team couldnt handle, to seal the victory. I felt so sure of myself and so good, something I haven't felt in a while. Following this, we had a battalion parade in which I finally got my promotion to First Lieutenant. I was in the spotlight alot, I felt admired, appreciated. and successful to a degree which I haven't felt since highschool.

The christmas ball itself was also spectacular. I had the opportunity to have some great discussions with the LCol as well as Major Canavan. I believe that they really like me and really want me to continue working there.

Today Vincent, Boris (the two other Lts in the unit) and I met up at a St.Viauteur Bagel place in Cote St. Luc. The snow was lightly falling, kids were playing on the snow banks, christmas trees were being sold on the street corner, and the people, as always in Montreal, were strolling the sidewalks looking extremely content and fashionable in their winter outfits. I realized how much I love Montreal.

The whole weekend was so pleasant. It made me feel as though perhaps I should do Law School at McGill. I've always been interested in Law. It would allow me to continue working with the Unit and living in Montreal, while still progressing my career.

Moreover, both the Hon Col and the Hon LCol (Dick Pound) of my unit are graduates of McGill Law. One now works for Stikeman Elliot and the other works for the Ministry of Northern Indian Affairs. I could probably use these connections wisely to land good summer work or job opportunities upon graduating. Not only that, but could I not have a law degree and still continue on the path I want. (I could still work for the UN or an international organization in conflict resolution with a Law Degree right?)

My first point of consideration after reflecting this then, is, what scares me is how one weekend in Montreal can shift my desires so much. Does that mean that what I want out of life still remains such a tentative, unsure thing?
Or was it not simply this weekend that lead to that switch but in fact, 2 months of unemployment in addition to several fun weekends in Montreal?

Certainly there is a little bit more stability to that plan when compared with taking the risk to go to LSE to do a Masters and indebting yourself, with the hopes of landing a really good job with an Intl Org after.

This takes me to my second point. For my entire life, as we moved around I remember when my parents would ask my sister and I how I felt about us moving. I always preferred to stay where we were, whereas Dana always said she wanted to move. However, once we made the move to whichever country, I always settled in pretty easily and quickly while Dana had more troubles adjusting.

Therein lies the strange hypocritical conundrum. I have always preferred not to move and yet adjusted perfectly fine once I have done it. This year, I felt strongly the desire to go abroad next year and yet, when I see how good things can be in Montreal, I prefer to stay. Meanwhile, my sister is planning her move to Australia next year. It seems the old patterns from our childhood are repeating themselves. The question is, when will this trend be bucked? And what will that mean for my life plan?